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| Track Six: Battle of the Bands |
 Indiana "Indy" Starry as Grizzly Slash Vincent Barker as Volt Kraken Dr. Zap Flashenstein as Shining Firefly Santo-bot as Tidal Whale Nine as the Skiver Shadow of the Awesome as Axle the Red Elvont Lecarde as Dark Necrobat Remington Everard Xerxes "REX" Barron as Mattrex and leader |
(Lavender Castle, currently floating above the ruins that used to be Athens. 5:32 P.M. GMT. Tidal Whale and Grizzly Slash are having a wrestling match, Volt Kraken and the Skiver are playing the latest iteration in the Silent Hill series, Dark Necrobat and Shelly are relaxing together on a balcony overlooking Earth, and Shining Firefly and Tracii are working in their respective labs.) Elvont (To Shelly): Out of all the people I could be with while watching the world go by, I'm glad it's you by my side.   Shelly: Aww   Nine (Furiously pushing buttons on his PlayStation 9 controller): Hey Vincent, I could use a hand here! How do I beat this guy? Vincent: Oh, Nine… You just have to think like I do!  (Volt Kraken's character in the game lands a drop kick on the chest of a humanoid which has tentacles growing from the neck in place of a head. After the kick connects, Volt's character then fires a stream of electric discharge from a cannon.) Vincent: Other than that, I believe the weakness is in the small of the back. Good luck getting him to turn away from you! (He lets out a sinister chuckle.) Santo-bot: ¡Sumersión y Maremoto!(Tidal Whale uses his water-based attacks as he jumps into the air; an ice-cold wave of water is unleashed upon Grizzly Slash before Tidal Whale lands in the ring, shaking it vigorously upon impact. Grizzly Slash actually doesn't take as much a beating as Tidal Whale had hoped for, though; he gets up only moderately damaged after the last part of the attack.) Indy (Grabbing Tidal Whale's tail and then jumping on top of him): Not bad, but ah ain't a-ready ta lose!(Meanwhile, back in the gameroom, the aftershock from Tidal Whale's crash landing caused everything to bounce into the air.) Nine (Switching to a hover after being bounced up, and noticing the PS9 was damaged because of a bump about two feet into the air): And here I thought things would be quiet 'cause of our leader's not here. Vincent (Turning away from the PS9, which he was trying to reboot): You say something, Nine? Nine: Just that, I thought it'd be quiet since…(Then it hits the Skiver, like a discarded tool flying over Volt Kraken's shoulder which knocks the Skiver out of midair.) Nine (Getting up from on the floor): …REX isn't here! Come to think of it, did he say what he was doing? Vincent: I wasn't told… but then again, I really don't care. Nine: How can you say that? I mean, sure it wouldn't really be a loss if Shadow were missing, but REX… Wait, Shadow's missing TOO, isn't he? Vincent: I still don't see why you care. If I were you I'd come over here and keep me from eternally damning the PS9 instead of repairing it.(He tosses another random tool over his shoulder, barely missing the Skiver's right wing.) Vincent (Pupils glowing, fists clenched): If that earthquake was one of Santo-bot's wrestling moves, I'm going to—(Unbridled electrical discharge from his hands shocks the PS9 and destroys it.) Nine (Eyeing the sizzling mass that was once a video game console, and then looking at Volt Kraken): Um… I'm gonna leave now, 'kay? (He does so.)(The Skiver flies off toward Tracii's work room and enters without thinking to knock.) Nine (Sliding the door open): Tracii? Tracii (Panicking and quickly hiding the Nintendo EX5 in her hands under her desk): Ack! Uhh… Couldn't you have knocked? Nine (Sweatdrop): Uhh… Right.(He then plays both sides of a conversation.) Nine (Gesturing and turning 180 degrees as needed): "Knock-knock." "Who is it?" "It's Nine." "Okay, come on in." There you go.(Tracii falls over, as if she suddenly fainted.) Tracii (After getting up again): Okay… Anyway, what is it? Nine: Any idea where Shadow and/or REX went? Tracii: I can try to search them…(She takes a bit out of a hot wing before she begins to type on her omnilingual keyboard.) Nine (Pointing at the food in Tracii's hand): Are those MY hot wings? Tracii (Sweatdrop): Uhh… No!(She goes back to typing for a few seconds.) Tracii: Found them! Apparently, they're on the south end of New Boston! Nine (Turning away and muttering to himself): Isn't that where REX lives? … Why would he invite SHADOW to visit him?(Meanwhile, near the Aquarium of New Boston, at 1:35 P.M. EST, REX is in a casual chat with his best friend, Hayden Wallace.)  REX (Passing the entrance to the aquarium while speaking to Hayden): Did I tell you that I had recently discovered that I am a distant relative to the drummer of Rammstein?Hayden: Never heard of the band. REX: Apparently, Rammstein were a metal band active in Germany starting in the 1990's. I looked up some of their music while conducting my research. Hayden: Really? How was it? REX: It was pleasing, but Rammstein still cannot compete with Guns N' Roses.(Hayden lets out a small laugh.)  Hayden: You really like Guns N' Roses, huh? Odd, considering from what you've told me you wouldn't do half the stuff they've mentioned in some of their songs. REX: One need not agree with the lyrics of a song in order to appreciate the song itself. I like songs because of the way that they sound, not because of the message lying within.(The two are near the entrance to a bridge now; they haven't once stopped walking to talk.) Hayden: I take it you were the first one to get tickets for their concert in the area, huh? REX: I actually don't have enough money to spend on the tickets if one were to discount the money which I am saving up for a car, college fees and a hou— Shadow (Sneaking up behind the two friends and then interrupting REX at "fees"): WASSZZZUUUUP?!!1!(REX, badly startled at first, then turns around with a malevolent scowl on his face. Hayden, on the other hand, appears shocked.) Hayden: What's Axle the Red doing here?! REX (His glowing green eyes and his teeth suddenly looking more reptilian): Hayden, leave. I'll take care of this.Hayden: You trippin'?! Maverick beats human easy! REX (Looking as if he's prepared to breathe fire): Just do as I say! Hayden (Suddenly shocked and intimidated by his best friend): O-Okay! (He runs off.)(REX avoids transforming into Mattrex; his eyes and teeth revert to human form. Then, he drives Axle the Red into the wall of the nearest building.) REX: Why the FUCK did you do that?! You almost revealed my "alter ego" to Hayden! Shadow: Hey, how was I supposed to know he didn't know what I know about who you know we both know you are?(REX drives Axle into the wall with much more force, as if he thinks pushing hard enough can actually cause the wall to collapse.) REX:  NO EXCUSES!! That is NOT something which one ought to test! Shadow: Will ya let go of me? I has some great news! REX: WHAT, pray tell, would this "great news" BE?! Shadow: BEHOLD!!!!!1!!111!!1!one+eleven(After a bit of struggling, Axle the Red raises his right hand, which is clutching a number of tickets.) Shadow: I managed to score tickets for all Critical Mass to go to the Guns N' Roses concert that's happening here!(REX's arms fall to the sides; he stands there like a statue, speechless and wide-eyed.) REX (Sounding genuinely surprised): Impossible! Don't lie to me! … Are you serious? Shadow: Shurmshur! You see the tickets in mah hand, right?(REX takes one ticket and reads it.) REX (Paraphrasing the text on the ticket): So it's at the Cygnus Center… This Saturday night… Best seats in the house! Axle, pray tell, how DID you obtain these? Shadow (Somewhat dismissive of the question asked): Eh, long story, not important. Whaddabout your friend, anyway? REX (Testily): I'll simply make sure that you hadn't frightened him TOO badly. (He runs off in search of Hayden.) Shadow (To himself): So, now what?(All of a sudden, he spots a quarter on the ground.) Shadow: OOH SHINY!!1(He runs over to the quarter and picks it up. Random house plant is random… but also happy. Not that much later on...) Vincent (Levitating down the hall leading away from the gameroom with the parts of a destroyed PS9 in his arms and his pupils glowing out of rage): When I see Santo-bot, he will pay for this both figuratively and financially!(Coincidentally, Tidal Whale leaves the training room just as Volt Kraken is levitating down the hallway past the door leading to it.) Santo-bot: ¡Oye, Calamar! ¿Como va? Vincent (Wryly, over his shoulder): There you are; I've been looking for you. (Turns around so that Tidal Whale can see the game console pieces in Volt's arms) You see what I have here? Santo-bot: ¿Por qué preguntas? Vincent: This is the PlayStation 9, which you destroyed with the aftershock from your ridiculous wrestling move.(He drops the countless parts of the PS9 on the floor and prepares to attack.) Santo-bot: Take it easy, Calamar! (Passes a quick glance at the PS9 parts) Anyway, it looks like it was fried at some point… That Santo-bot no hizo. Vincent: You're evading the point. The aftershock from one of your wrestling moves caused it to break in the first place. It wouldn't be fried if it hadn't been for that. Santo-bot: Si es una lucha que quieres… then it's a fight you get!(The two look ready to go at it, but Axle the Red jumps in the middle out of nowhere.) Shadow: We're BA-ack! REX (Appearing from around the corner casually): Why you deem it necessary to broadcast this information to all of Earth's citizens is baffling. Shadow: I haven't blasted it into the loudspeakers… REX: Thank God. Shadow: I think I'll go do that now! (Tries to run off, but REX grabs him) REX: I think that you won't.(REX's illuminating gaze is fixed on Axle the Red; the eyes become more reptilian as he transforms into Mattrex. The Skiver appears a moment later.) Nine: You can thank me… or not… I kinda went down to Earth and grabbed them. Shadow: Hey guys, I gotz an announcement! Vincent: If it's that you've realized the sky doesn't seem blue when you're in space, I'm not interested. Shadow: Nono, bigger than that. I scored us all tickets to see Guns N' Roses this Saturday night!(Shining Firefly, Grizzly Slash and Tracii walk in.) Dr. Zap: "Guns N' Roses"? Isn't that something to do with this "rock and roll" that young people enjoy? Oh dear… REX: You haven't heard of them? They are by far my favorite band! Tracii: Question, REX: How're they still around? Didn't they first get started back in the 1980's? REX: That's actually quite simple to explain. They were fitted with Reploid components which have allowed them to survive through the decades, though they retain their original minds, albeit in a more computer-like form. Indy: Uh… Y'all might wanna look closer at tha ticket. It says "Roses and Guns," not "Guns N' Roses"…(Mattrex takes a second look at the ticket, and sure enough, that is what is written for the band name.) REX (Somewhat dismissively): It must be a misprint and nothing more. I find no other logical explanation behind this. Nine: So, what are we gonna do until Saturday?(Mattrex and Axle the Red look at each other mischievously. The following day, all except Mattrex and Axle are in the TV room with their ears covered.) Shelly: Make it stop :_: Shadow: Loaded like a freight train! REX (With a distinct metal sound to his singing voice): Flyin' like an airplane! Both: Speedin' like a spacebrain/One more time tonight!(Both stick out their tongues as they drag out that last line.) Elvont: I really don't see how REX, of all people, can like this music. The lyrics aren't like him at all… Shadow: I'm on the nightrain! REX: An' I'm lookin' for some! Shadow: I'm on the nightrain! REX: So's I can leave this slum! Shadow: I'm on the nightrain! REX: An' I'm ready to CRASH AND BURRRRRRN!!(On that, Mattrex engulfs himself in flames and jumps of the "stage." Flaming dino + unwilling mosh pit = Pain × 9001.)      Everyone besides REX: Ouch… X_x(Fast-forward to Saturday…) REX (Standing in front of the Cygnus Center): This is the place…(He looks back over his shoulder to search for the others.) REX (Almost shouting): You can come out from hiding at any time. I'll go ahead and find the seats. (He walks on into the amphitheater.)(Axle the Red pokes his head out from in a rose bush.) Shadow (After spitting out a rose): Well, time to go pester him! (Leaves.)Shelly (Breaking free from her disguise as a statue across the way): That can't be good… Elvont (Appearing from the shadows on a nearby skyscraper and then teleporting over to Shelly's side): I wouldn't worry much, my dear. It's called "karma." REX is probably getting his at Shadow's hands.(Grizzly Slash walks over with a few kids at his feet.)  Indy: A little help? Ah've been tryin' ta tell these kids ah'm not a giant teddy bear advertisin' some amusement park…(Over to REX.) Shadow (Counting the seats): Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen… Here we are!! (Sits down right next to REX.) REX (Not facing Axle as he speaks, but rather staring straight ahead): Quite a number came to the concert, Axle, didn't they? I had no idea there were still so many other Guns N' Roses fans; it felt like a species reaching extinction. Elvont (Flying over with Shelly around his neck): I'm afraid that would be akin to the pot calling the kettle black. I couldn't help but overhear. REX: You do raise a point… (REX looks up at the giant sign left of the stage.) Yet again, "Roses and Guns" is being promoted.(He directs the others' attention to the sign; sure enough, it reads "Roses and Guns" rather than "Guns N' Roses.") Nine: It's like you said before. A typo. No big deal. Don't sweat it. REX: My concern lies more with the competence of the publicists advertising such an excellent band than simply with grammar.(Just then the curtain opens, revealing the band. The singer steps forward and snatches up the microphone.) W. Axl Rose: YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK?! (The audience goes wild.) Axl: That's what I like to hear! Let's start this off with a little number I think you all know… "Welcome to the Jungle"! (The crowd starts to cheer a lot, REX and Axle the Red in particular.) Vincent: Somehow they just don't seem like the same band, and I should know after you two tortured us with that music for so long. REX (Sharply turning his head and almost glaring): I beg your pardon?!(The song actually starts, and sure enough, the differences are there. "Slash" is very sloppy on the guitar, and "Axl" was unable to hold the siren-like scream heard in the song's intro.) REX (After listening closely): My word. Vincent, you were correct.(Being far from the center of attention for either the audience or the band— the members all have their eyes closed— REX inconspicuously transforms into Mattrex and stands up.) REX (Flaring with anger): THAT BAND IS A FRAUD!!(The band members abruptly stop playing. Axle the Red stands up next to Mattrex.) REX and Axle in unison: ATTACK!!(Suddenly the crowd gets up and rushes toward the stage. The band members, shocked, toss away the outfits and armor they had on to resemble the real Guns N' Roses alumni and try to run off the stage. However, they are surrounded.) ??? (From the entrance to the Cygnus Center): We're here. (The mysterious figure launches a projectile from his shoulder cannon through the crowd, knocking the band members back. The members of the angry mob turn to see…) REX: It's Slash! The REAL Slash! And the REAL Guns N' Roses!(Sure enough, standing under the arches was the real band, immortalized by technology: frontman W. Axl Rose, lead guitarist Slash, rhythm guitarist Izzy Stradlin, bassist Duff McKagan, drummers Steven Adler and Matt Sorum, and keyboardist Dizzy Reed.) Shadow (Producing a black Sharpie and some photos from Hammerspace and holding them up victoriously): IT'S AUTOGRAPH TIME!!!!1!!one (Runs toward the band) REX: Wait for me! (Follows with his copy of Slash's autobiography and a 2007 issue of Rolling Stone, which has GnR's Appetite for Destruction lineup on the cover, in his hands)(As the autographs are being signed…)  Matt Sorum (To Mattrex): Good thing we showed up, huh? Our manager said we had a new gig here come up out of nowhere, and we jetted over here as fast as we could. REX: In other words, some fans claimed to be you to the point of trying to make money off your eternal fame. I can tolerate tribute bands, but to spoil your reputation and to attempt to make claims to your legacy is unforgivable! Indy (To Slash): Nice cannon… and hair… and hat. Slash: Heh, thanks… Nice hat yourself.
Santo-bot (To Steven Adler): Tiene usted a tamarind tequila? Adler: I don', but 'f ya wan' heroin, I can— (Is given a light punch to the elbow by Slash) Hey! Slash: You said you'd kick the stuff years ago, remember, bud? Adler: S'pose it don' matter much when we're half-'chine… But 'ey, 's not like you were ya had… uh… alarm clock in your heart since you were 35. Slash: I didn't fly off into Vegas in '06 for fun, you know. Adler: You really got good memory… uh… locked up under tha' hat…(The two give each other a light punch to the side and shake tensions off with a smile.) Santo-bot (To the Skiver): Those two are buenos amigos, ¿no es? Nine: They sure look it. Dr. Zap (Nervously looking over Izzy Stradlin and his guitar): Er… Don't mind me, I'm with them… (Hides behind the Skiver) Nine and Izzy Stradlin (In unison): Ooookay… Elvont (Looking back at all the equipment being set up by stagehands, and then at Dizzy Reed): I'll here because my… roommates… dragged me along; I don't know a lot about the band, but… You're the keyboardist, aren't you? Dizzy Reed: Yup. Been with them since 1990.(Dark Necrobat notices Volt Kraken passing a sinister glare out of the corner of his eyes.) Elvont (Under his breath, to Volt Kraken): You're not going to rip him apart just to be the keyboardist in his place… or just for the sake of ripping someone apart. Vincent (Muttering): Damn it. REX (Quietly, to Duff McKagan): If you do not mind, there is a question I have wanted to ask you. Duff McKagan (Signing right over his picture on the cover of Mattrex's magazine): Fire away. REX (Still barely speaking above a whisper): Not that I have anything against it, but I'm curious as to why you all returned to Guns N' Roses. I never quite understood. Duff (Handing the magazine back to Mattrex): Well, that's a bit of a long one. Ya see, we all had our reasons for leaving or being booted, right? REX: Except for Dizzy, who never quit, I believe that that is true. Duff: Well, you know how they say "forgive and forget," right? We all made up with Axl after enough years went by, and we remembered why we got into the music biz. I really think Axl forgot while Chinese Democracy was still in the works— the band was anything but a democracy with how things were going; Axl tried to get control over it all. Elvont (Overhearing): I know that feeling… Duff: In the end, though, things started to change after Chinese Democracy. Can't say I was expecting it to happen myself, though. We all started to get on better terms with Axl again, and since Velvet Revolver didn't do so well after Scott left… well; me, Matt and Slash didn't have a place to go, kind of. And when we all accepted immortalization, who else did we have to make music with that was that experienced? REX: I understand. Duff: On top of that, Izzy grew up with Axl, so it's no surprise those guys are friends again. And Steve over there… Well, we made him promise to kick all his extreme drug habits, but sometimes I don't think he's trying… He's gonna blow our money even if he can't die from substance abuse any more.(Mattrex passes a glance at Volt Kraken for a moment before finishing things up with Duff.) REX: Thank you for answering my question. Duff: No prob.(Mattrex goes over to talk to Volt Kraken.) REX (Whispering): If they are ever in financial need— though this statement is not a request for you to lead them into that— perhaps I can offer your services to them. W. Axl Rose (With Axle the Red glomping on his ankle): Hey, can someone help me get this thing off my legs? We got a show to do, don't we? Shadow (Suddenly seated): Oh, I forgot! Sorry ^.^;;;(The seven GnR members get up on stage and into position. Axl, as was always the case before, walks onto the stage last.)  Axl: All right! Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Let's start things off with a little song called "You're Crazy."(The audience goes wild for a few moments.) REX (To Axle the Red): How satisfying that they begin with my favorite song.(The guitar intro of "You're Crazy" is played. Matt Sorum and Dizzy Reed get the chance to lay back, with Steven Adler covering the drums for this song and no keyboard needed.) Axl (Screaming out the lyrics): I've been looking for a traceLooking for a heart Looking for a lover in a world that's much too dark You don't want my love You want satisfaction, ooh yeah You don't need my love You've gotta— Axl, Shadow and REX (In unison): Find yourself another piece of the action, yeah!(The show continues on. Later, back at Lavender Castle…) TV: Reports of the Mimicroid projects being released… Indy: Ah gotta admit, that there was some show. Shadow: Told you they were a good band. Didn't we, REX?(Mattrex appears in the room with two microphones and loudspeakers.) REX: I don't think that we expressed the statement clearly enough, to be frank. Come, Axle! Santo-bot: Let's just watch la televisión instead, okay? We've had enough Guns N' Roses for una noche. REX: Give to me the clicker, please. We'll be watching the video for "Chinese Democracy" on NetV.(He points the clicker at the TV and presses the button, ending the epilogue.) |
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Lyrics written by REX Barron Most sprites ripped from Mega Man X5 Volt Kraken sprite edit created by REX Barron Grizzly Slash sprite edit created by REX Barron Emoticon sprites created by REX Barron Dark Necrobat sprite edit created by Regulus Tracii sprite created by Zymeth Axl Rose sprite created by Zymeth Slash sprite created by REX Barron Izzy Stradlin sprite created by Zymeth Duff McKagan sprite created by Zymeth Steven Adler sprite created by REX Barron Matt Sorum sprite created by REX Barron Dizzy Reed sprite created by Zymeth Critical Mass is REX Barron/Naop/Regulus/DarkMegamanX/Elec/Xima/Zymeth The featured songs "Nightrain," "Welcome To The Jungle" and "You're Crazy" are copyright Guns N' Roses, whose members created both the music and lyrics. Critical Mass takes no credit for said songs. |
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